I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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