I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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