we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize