if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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