i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
