Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
