All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
