dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
