i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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