His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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