I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
