I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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