He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
