So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You're like the curious george of whores
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think a kid would responsible me up
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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