4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
