A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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