I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
