pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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