Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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