i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
