our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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