I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
