My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
