I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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