Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We are all done wearing pants today
as a side note pls kill me
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
