Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
