Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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