how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
