I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize