R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
