Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
