How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
