She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize