chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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