I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
