I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
