I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
