Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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