the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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