thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
