Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
