Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
