Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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