dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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