I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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