I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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