Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
