I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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