Got a toothbrush?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
