matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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