You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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