y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize