I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
