I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
