how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
