shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The power of my boobs compel you
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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