she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
