That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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