I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
