I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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