we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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