Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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