Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
