Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
