I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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