sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
