if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
honey bunches of taint.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
