We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
